Share the Love

During last season’s Biggest Loser Couples, Mandi and Aubrey, sisters who lost 92 and 55 pounds during the 12-week taping, introduced viewers to their morbidly obese father, who weighed more than 500 pounds. Although he wasn’t quite ready to face reality—that his life was in grave danger—Aubrey made a tear-filled commitment to show him, through her own success, that losing weight is possible. A great tactic for sure, says Lisa Martin, a trainer and group fitness instructor at the Mililani Sport 24 Hour Fitness in Kaneohe, Hawaii. “The best way to help others get fit is to inspire them through your own example,” she says. “The catch, though, is that one’s desire to change their unhealthy ways has to come from them.” Here’s how to get the ones you love to tap into that desire and start getting healthier.

1. Find the spark. One of the best things you can do for people who need a nudge is to help them figure out what drives them. “I have a friend who hates working out, but we did a breast cancer walk together, and it lit her up,” says Martin. “Walking for a cause sparked an excitement that kept her motivated months after we crossed the finish line.”
2. Share the gory details. You of all people know that losing weight is an uphill climb. Although your instinct may be to make it sound easy, your friends and family members will appreciate an honest representation of the battle ahead, so they know what to expect. Talk about the ups and downs you faced, including your failed attempts at sticking to your gym routine, the moments you wanted to give up, and the frustration you felt when the scale didn’t budge.
3. Know your audience. If you have a sister who thrives on competition, challenging her to a power-walking race might be just the trigger she needs. Does your dad love to wager? He might be more committed to losing 2 pounds this week if 20 bucks is on the line. You can’t take the same approach with all the people in your life, says Israel Allen, a trainer at Southlake Sport 24 Hour Fitness in Texas. “You’ve got to find out what people respond to and run with those things. Friendly and healthy competition can be a great motivator, but it has to coincide with what makes a person tick,” he says.
4. Play up the fun factor. A person who struggles with their weight doesn’t need a lecture about the importance of exercise—and odds are your pal or relative is already beating herself up about her sedentary ways or unhealthy eating habits. So show her how she can burn cals and still enjoy herself. “If your friend discovers a spin class she loves or a hike that helps her relax, she’ll be more likely to stick to her workouts and even look forward to them,” says Martin.
5. Have a heart to heart. The facts are clear: If you’re overweight, you’re at a greater risk for a host of health problems, including heart disease, diabetes, even cancer. For your friend or family member, hearing your concerns for their life might help them realize that they need to make a change. “For a lot of people, telling them, ‘I care about your health,’ is going to resonate a lot more than, ‘Hey, you could look better,’” says Allen.
6. Treat family like friends. It can be tempting to be hardest on the people you love most. “It’s easier to cross boundaries with your family than it is with your friends because you’re comfortable with them—and your harsh tone may be coming from a place of fear that if they don’t lose weight, they’re not going to be around as long as you’d like them to be,” says Allen. But empathy is crucial. “You’ve got to tread gently when you’re dealing with someone in your family, or they [might not] listen to you,” says Martin.
7. Initiate healthier habits. If Sunday night family dinners involve hearty meals and homemade desserts, it may be time to switch it up. Old habits may die hard—but they’re certainly worth trying to break. Instead of making food the main focus of gatherings, round up your family members for some kind of activity—whether it’s going to a ball game or organizing one in your backyard. As for those family recipes, turn meals into a challenge: See who can cut the most calories from their favorite dish without sacrificing the flavor.
8. Help them sidestep challenges. Think about what helps you stick to your commitment to working out and eating healthier, and offer up similar solutions to your friend. For example, does your husband take care of your kids while you hit the gym in the morning? Suggest some times you can pitch in with babysitting duties so your pal can exercise. If you cook a week’s worth of healthy meals on Sunday night, make a double batch one week and drop the meals at your dad’s place to inspire him to start this healthy habit as well.
9. Be patient. Remind yourself of how hard it was to lose weight before you got into a groove, and cut the ones you love some slack. Someone else’s weight loss may not happen as quickly as you’d like it to, or as quickly as you dropped the pounds, but don’t give up on them. “Remember that everyone’s journey looks different,” says Martin, “and that’s okay.”
10. Keep up your good example. We all have diet slip-ups, of course, but the more you can stick to your healthy habits the better. “When your friends see how much you’re enjoying your new, healthy lifestyle, it’ll inspire them to figure out what activities and healthy foods they love too,” says Martin. The best part? Continuing this great example to help your friend lose big will help you stay on track, too.